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[hughie老师已改] A类/Task1/剑9真题/感谢老师。

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发表于 2017-5-20 00:48 |显示全部楼层
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Test3

Test3

The pie charts give past and future data concenring the ages of populations of Yemen and Italy.

As can be seen in the graphs about Yemen, the 15-59s are expected to account for a bigger share of the population in 2050, 57.3%, compared to 46.3% in 2000. In contrast, people under the age of 14 are projected to make up a lower proportion, 37%, 13.1% down over the same period. The over-60s are estimated to take up 5.7% in 2050, 2.1% more than in 2000.

With regard to Italy, the charts reveal that the amount of people who are over 60 is projected to increase, from 24.1% in 2000 to 42.3% in 2050. By comparison, the 15-59s will take up 46.2% in 2050, declining from 61.6% in 2000. The under-14s are estimated to contribute to the remaining 11.5% in 2050, 2.8% lower than in 2000.

As suggested above, for Yemen, the 15-59 age group is expected to overtake the below-14 group to become the major part of the population. As to Italy, people between 15 and 59 years old will continue to account for the biggest share, while the over-60s are projected to experience the greatest increase.

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发表于 2017-5-20 04:51 |显示全部楼层
hughie老师批改中。。。
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发表于 2017-5-20 04:58 |显示全部楼层
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Thepie charts give past and future data concenring 【concerning】the ages of populations ofYemen and Italy. As can be seen in the graphs about Yemen, the 15-59s areexpected to account for a bigger share of the population in 2050, 57.3%,compared to 46.3% in 2000. In contrast【by contrast】, people under the age of 14are projected to make up a lower proportion, 37%, 13.1% down over the sameperiod. The over-60s are estimated to take up 5.7% in 2050, 2.1% more than in2000. With regard to Italy, the charts reveal that the amount ofpeople who are over 60 is projected to increase, from 24.1% in 2000 to 42.3% in2050. By comparison, the 15-59s will take up 46.2% in 2050, declining from61.6% in 2000. The under-14s are estimated to contribute to the remaining 11.5%in 2050, 2.8% lower than in 2000. As suggested above, for Yemen, the 15-59 age group isexpected to overtake the below-14 group to become the major part of thepopulation. As to Italy, people between 15 and 59 years old will continue toaccount for the biggest share, while the over-60s are projected to experiencethe greatest increase. 【末端只需要重申首段观点,不需要表述细节信息】
1、 字数 197words,超过雅思小作文要求150 words。
2、 作文整体结构比较清晰完整,论述基本准确。
3、 句型句式不够丰富,这部分还可以加强。
建议:完成后多检查。
多阅读优秀范文,分析其结构和语言,多多参考借鉴。
多思考,多练习,多总结。
评分项
解释
Task Achievement 任务完成情况
Covers all requirements of the task 满足题目所有要求
6
Coherence and Cohesion 连贯性和衔接性
Sequencing of information and ideas logically, sufficient and appropriate paragraphing. 信息和内容组织符合逻辑,分段足够且恰当
6
Lexical Resource 词汇多样性
Correct word choice and a lot of uncommon words.
选词正确,能使用不常见词汇
6
Grammar 语法
Command of the elements of Standard Written English, including grammar, and sentence structure. 能运用标准的书面英语,包括语法及句式结构
6
得分:6
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裸色  好~ 谢谢hughie老师。这是我第一次写小作文,看来道阻且长嗯T-T 会努力的。  详情 回复 发表于 2017-5-20 06:56
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发表于 2017-5-20 06:56 |显示全部楼层
hughie 发表于 2017-5-20 04:58
[hide]Thepie charts give past and future data concenring 【concerning】the ages of populations ofYem ...

好~ 谢谢hughie老师。这是我第一次写小作文,看来道阻且长嗯T-T 会努力的。
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