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[求批改] 托福写作-独立-TPO36 9月17日考试,请老师批改

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发表于 2017-9-14 01:32 |显示全部楼层
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


In contemporary society, as people attach more importance to the education of the whole society, we are invariably confronted with such a question: Which one should be more important, spending money on pupils or on universities?  Depending on personal experience, personality traits and emotional concern, some may stick to the idea of spending money on those young children. Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned, it is more advisable and sagacious to approve of spending money on universities.

To begin with, universities need a substantial number of money on laboratory equipment, scientific researches and professional professors comparable to the education of those primary students. In specific, most of the pupils study in primary and fundamental stages which do not need a vast amount of money to invest in. For instance, the young children merely need some simple books, toys and facilities which are already various enough for their daily classes and learning. Furthermore, the teachers who are able to teach those young kids are not necessarily to possess tremendously difficult academic and technical knowledge since the young students only need to learn extremely basic and comprehensible language and science classes. Therefore, the primary education will not cost too much to employ the teachers. On the contrary, it is indispensable for the universities to invest lots of money into those enormous, precise and expensive laboratory equipments which must be used by those undergraduates. In this regard, spending money on the universities are conspicuously more important than spending money on young pupils.

Additionally, investing money on universities can get quicker return because the time period between training and getting jobs of universities’ students is much shorter that of young children. That is, if the government spends money in cultivating those undergraduates to be accountants or programmers, it just needs four years to have a batch of professional and skillful employees who can create benefits and wealth to the whole country. However, the government may have to employ the math tutors to teach those young students fundamental theorem and rules.  It also needs at least one decade or more years to cultivate them as proficient workers. Indeed, both spending money on universities and little children are crucial; however, if we contemplate all these factors, spending on universities is obviously more essential.

In a nutshell, taking into account all these elements I have just outlined, we may finally draw the conclusion that it is more important to spend money on universities.


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发表于 2017-9-14 02:45 | 小站社区iPhone客户端

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还不错,用词很丰富,但许多地方显得冗长。观点没有问题,但略显稚嫩,论述相对简单,体现的逻辑层次也简单;语法上相对错误很多,绝对错误很少;模版痕迹过重。
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