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[求批改] 托福写作-独立-tpo47 第一次求改,望老师详细一点

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发表于 2018-2-13 17:38 |显示全部楼层
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Increasing technology, explosive information and intricate international relationship all work together to complicate the society we live in. In my view, in this circumstance, it is necessary to know what are happening around the world. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.
First of all, always knowing about events happening around the world could help us gain knowledge and let us have better understanding of the advancement and evolution in the world. That means, we can broaden our horizons and get many different ideas from the news which could help us forming better thinking ability. And the news could also serve as a reminder to us that we can learn to prevent the mistakes or tragedies of the current events. For one thing, if you see there are so many people in the world who are suffering disease for they don't have clean water, you will know you should value your lucky life and do not waste natural resources.And if you see there are so many people have no home to go because of war, you will understand the importance of peace and love.
Second, a person who know more things could help gaining better social relationships.For example, when we are commenting one thing, the people who could always give the deepest and newest view about the event will gain respect from others and they will think that one is a learned person so they want stay with the person more often.
Finally, individuals who want to gain more great opportunities and have a better of one's life should keep their mind always new so that they can catch up with the development of the society and face with all challenges in the future. Nowadays, the market is changing quickly. And with the development of the global process, more and more people are required to know the global condition. For instance, a Chinese investors must always follow the news from all the world rather than the national news. Such as the stocks in the US are not going well, it will influence the China market.And if the investor doesn't attention the change in the US, they may lost a lot of money. In addition, the job market are also in changing, the technology of AI is growing rapidly, we can anticipate that there will be many jobs be displaced by the AI in the future society, such as riggers, mechanical operator and so on. If they know the threat of their job and to learn other skills, they may find another job in the future, or else they may can't survive in the society.
In a nutshell, it is important to know about events happening around the world.


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