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[求批改] 托福写作——[独立][TPO35]烦请老师批改,感谢~

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发表于 2018-4-16 21:49 |显示全部楼层
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Tpo 35 独立写作题目:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
以下是我的作文:
  Based on the remarkable development of information technology, the mass media is becoming more and more capable of digging and exposing famous people's private matters to the public. Many renowned entertainers and widely-known athletes are therefore suffering from the modern invasion to their privacy. With respect to this phenomenon, some people argue that it is inevitable for celebrities to get their private life under the sun and this exposure is a kind of cost that famous people need to undertake. Others insist that the protection of privacy is a basic human right that people from all walks of life are entitled to.   From my point of view, famous entertainers and athletes should be given more privacy than they now have.
  First of all, as many people argue, a basic level of privacy protection is a sort of inalienable human right. There is no denying that famous entertainers and athletes should compromise some of their privacy in order to meet their job demands. However, nowadays a wide variety of media has interfered too much with celebrities' private life. For example, when some famous entertainers have kids, the media will try every means to obtain the photo of their children and make this photo public online for people to discuss. Network users, under the disguise of anonymity, often hurl some bad words to those kids’appearance. This level of privacy invasion is far beyond the baseline and may do great harm to the celebrities. After all, everyone can and ought to have their own family lives.
  Secondly, the more private matters about the famous people are exposed,the less the public will pay attention to the actual or professional work that those famous people have done. For instance, when the broken marriage of a sport star is revealed to the public, an enormous amount of attention will be paid to the moral qualities of the athletes. The guideline or standard of assessment will be distorted to the athletes' character, rather than the actual achievement in sports he or she has made. Consequently, the momentum of sports or entertainment industry will be negatively influenced.
  In general, famous people are entitled to a basic level of privacy and too much revelation of their private life can be detrimental to the development of their professional skills.

麻烦老师了,非常感谢!


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发表于 2018-4-17 17:16 |显示全部楼层
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ermmmmm第一次写托福作文。。。默默来自己顶一下。。希望能看到批改,好让我有针对性地练习。。
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发表于 2018-4-17 17:57 |显示全部楼层
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不错,还行,好好学习吧
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发表于 2018-4-18 18:46 |显示全部楼层
感觉没有希望被批改了。。。
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