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[HANNAH KIWI老师已改] 托福写作——[综合+独立][TPO 40]请老师帮忙指出缺点谢谢~

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发表于 2018-6-3 19:08 |显示全部楼层
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Question:<p>Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?</p><p>Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.</p>Family is the first and sublime place for children to grasp and apply knowledge. No one could deny that parents play an indispensable and significantly role to cultivate healthy habitat of children. Also, these invisable classes would imfluence children for a long term. Offering school-age children money for each high grade could one of the important lessons provided for the immuture and innocent children whether in their study or lives.

The ability of money management and the enthusiatic attitude toward study could be constructed by earning such money. Once children obtain the money through a tough time of studing, they would establish a virtue to charish the valuable money. For example, children who used to live in a profligate lifestyle change to preserve and save the small amount of money they earned. Probably they would save them for a longer period of time to purchase meaningful stuff or invest part of the money to the bank for a future need. In addition, as long as they receive the harvest, children would be willing to indulge themselves in study to get a better score which is a positive cycle. Therefore, these additional money guaranteed children more oppotunities to be succeed in their academic study.

Repeatedly learning without any encouragement and stimulation lead to a lower study effiency and damage children\\\'s confidence. Children at a early age hold a vulnerable heart and are easier to be impatient. Without the prise and encouragement from their parent, even the most determined and diligent student would become frustrated. Sometimes, only the high score couldn\\\'t statisfy them, extra payment could be an efficient way to promote children pursue better performance on study. For example, devoting themselves in the piles of assignment all day cause deficiency on study, however, if parents provide them some money to buy a extracuriiculum book or some briiliant music type could be an effective way to refresh mind. When back to study, children would equip themselves more knowledge and hold a positive attitude to encounter and challange. Thus, the negligiable investment is worthwhile.

To conclude, offering money for good academic performance doesn\\\'t mean to cultivate a bad conception of learning. On the contrast, it is an novel approach to stimulate children to eager for studying. It\\\'s beneficial for student to use those money on valuable books, interesting entainment or other favorite things to harvast happiness, because a pleasing mood is crutial for children\\\'s development in every aspects.


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发表于 2018-6-14 17:46 | 小站托福TPO客户端

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发表于 2018-6-14 19:09 | 小站托福TPO客户端

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