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[HANNAH KIWI老师已改] 托福写作——[综合+独立][TPO 40]600金币啊 求批改呜呜

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发表于 2018-6-13 21:08 |显示全部楼层
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Question:<p>Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?</p><p>Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.</p>Rewarding system is widely used in a variety of fields including academics that students are basically offered money if they can get a satisfying grade. It has been a controversy whether this idea is actually beneficial for a student\\\'s development. Personally, I firmly believe this system is practical.

At first, with the stimulation allowance given for a competitive grade, students, apparently, tend to be highly motivated to study. Take my self as an example. When I was in elementary school, the possible money reward as a result of my desirable grade in the final was observed to significantly energize me during exam preparation. Diligently working on the unfamiliar topics, I had  improved tremendously in that fulfilled semester driven by money reward. So, as a result, it is reasonable to conclude that money is efficent as a motivative method.

In a addition, money, more importantly, serve as a realistic symbol of success. Far beyond the face value of money is actually a sense of achievement that can even more stimulate a person passion a the field he or she is presently engaging, as confidence is inadvertently acquired. For instance, once after my friend Eric had studied hard to get a monumental progress in academics, he had enthusiastically continued to devote himself to it, further getting satisfied with his capabilities. This is obviously a positive cycle that would eventually contributes enormously to one\\\'s personal development.

Granted, it is frequently aruged that money reward can potentially lead to materialism in which a person\\\'s desire is entirely filled with money. To the contrary, various methods to offer money to meangingful achivements prove to be positive and meaningful in the opposite of mateialism. From basic scholarship provided to academically awesome student, to Nobel Prize confered to insightful achivements, money serves as a further encouragement that far outweigh the shallow value of money itself.

To wrap up, rewarding high grade with money is an effetive approach to stimulate dilegence. Futhermore, it symbolizes the sense of achievement and motivation in deeper commitement to a certain field. Base on these reasons, I undoubtedly agree with the positive effect of money reward.


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发表于 2018-6-15 15:13 | 小站托福TPO客户端

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发表于 2018-6-16 16:30 | 小站托福TPO客户端

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