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[老师已改] 托福写作——Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they ha

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发表于 2014-12-15 09:50 | 小站托福TPO客户端

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Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now


Celebrities, such as entertainers, actors and athletes have become an important part of average people's daily life. As the increasingly sufficient material condition, people have more leisure time to spend hundreds of money in listening a famous singer's concert, watching a football superstar's match, or just buy the biography of their idol. In this way, celebrities are exposed to the public far more than common people, which leads to the question, whether their privacy should be protected? I think it is a must.

First, their privacy is so easy to be published due to the advanced technology, especially in the information explosive era. Everywhere they go, there would be monitors from each direction. Monitors are installed at streets, parks and squares. It's main use is to protect people from criminal, but on the other hand, it provide condition to get more access to celebrities, so they have to dressed up such as wearing sunglasses or hiding themselves in heavy coats to evade from monitors. Moreover, advanced camera make it possible for taking photos from distant area, so celebrities were always taken photos secretly while they were eating in the restaurant and they even didn’t detect it until the photos were published in the newspaper or entertainment website.

Second, average individuals, especially young people tend to be more interested in celebrities' privacy nowadays. Maybe it's because of the well developed economy, they needn't worry about their own livelihood and have more leisure time to indulge their curiosity. To illustrate this, I can think of no better example than the fact that the famous basketball superstar Yao Ming, who was eating in an small restaurant, which resulted in hundreds of people come to see him, the crowded people filled in all the space of the restaurant, they even caused the traffic congestion at that area. This typical phenomenon substantially bothers both Yao Ming himself and the ordinary life of average people.

Admittedly, as the celebrities, they should be regarded as the model, in that millions of people are watching them, and serve them as their idol. So exposing some privacy such as their health lifestyle or their hardship history appropriately may encourage young people to study and mimic them. However, this should be limited in some sense, or it could cause damage to the society and celebrities themselves because of the two reasons discussed above.

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发表于 2014-12-15 11:45 | 小站托福TPO客户端

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亲~~~你标题的格式错了啦。记得去看小站的托福写作批改流程,不按规则发的不会被改喔!

地址是:http://bbs.zhan.com/thread-63017-1-1.html   

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发表于 2014-12-15 12:28 |显示全部楼层
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eterner  谢谢老师,请问老师开头结尾段能不能帮我稍微改一改呢,结尾我是采用让步写法,请问能不能指点一下这里该怎么修改呢,还有开头我能不能写成It is a must because of the following reasons 因为没时间详细列出了,谢  详情 回复 发表于 2014-12-16 14:45
该会员很懒,今天签到时没说话.
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发表于 2014-12-16 14:45 | 小站托福TPO客户端

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2218573052 发表于 2014-12-15 12:28
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谢谢老师,请问老师开头结尾段能不能帮我稍微改一改呢,结尾我是采用让步写法,请问能不能指点一下这里该怎么修改呢,还有开头我能不能写成It is a must because of the following reasons 因为没时间详细列出了,谢谢老师啊!~~~
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a kankan thx a lot 谢谢啦~~看下
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发表于 2015-3-24 10:31 | 小站托福TPO客户端

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